achichi-javi:

So there’s this guy I met in one of my classes last week that I’ve been spending some time with around campus because we have a few classes together.

I first noticed him because he’s kind of got that scruffy attractive thing going for him, but for some reason it was just an observation and not so much a “oh. my. god. that guy” reaction even though he is pretty attractive. Anyway, we started talking because he came up after class and said he was interested in something I’d said during and wanted to talk about it some more. And since then we just hang out after class going over things more.

I was wondering the other day though, why I hadn’t gotten bored of him and either just imagined him in a totally sexual way or just ignored him until he went away because my habit is to do one or the other when I inevitably get bored. Or why even though he’s really smart, in our conversations I never feel either patronized or intimidated which is also a thing that happens with guys that think they’re exceptionally smart or actually are so.

The point is I’m too into what we’re talking about to actually think about him in some sort of non-platonic way because the way Homer’s brain’s default setting is monkeys playing, mine has to do with sex because “you’re boring me but your mouth is still moving so either I’ll imagine you naked or, if you’re ew, someone else” is essentially how the thought process goes.

Anyway, I realized, I think, it’s because he seems genuinely interested in my opinions about things? Like, one of the more common phrases out of his mouth are “so, what did *you* think…” and then he moves on to whatever were his thoughts and we kind of get a back and forth going. But my point is that he neither is only concerned with what he thinks about X and is simply looking for someone (a woman) to just nod their head and smile while he unleash his wisdom nor is he taken aback by or afraid to confront some strong opinion I might have about something.

Nearly all of my guy friends are close friends I’ve known for a while and we get into all kinds of conversations but when it comes to politics and things along those lines their immediate reaction is “ah, fuck we don’t need to get into this right now” and when we DO I’m either bored or frustrated (or both) because but it more or less amounts to a bunch of (and I hate this word) mansplaining and that’s the end of it. So I don’t even initiate them myself anymore.

I guess that’s why I’m usually unwilling to get into political/intellectual discussions with most people actually, but especially with guys. Because they’re either completely uninterested, they’re put off by things I say, or it’s like what I described above.

So that this is so completely different from all of my other experiences is so great. Like, we both know enough to keep up with each other but still be able to teach one another things and no one’s belittling the other or intimidated by them.

Is this reality, or is it just a fantasy?

Exactly my thoughts, put into text. It’s so difficult to find a person that’s interested in engaging in ‘intellectual conversations’. As Achichi-javi says most people are bored, uninterested or uncomfortable, or worse, assume a ‘superior platform’ on a topic. ||Especially harrowing when guys are so blind as to  how patronizing they are being|| (It’s pernicious and annoying). I’m making a concentrated effort to make people feel more comfortable around me so exchange of valuable conversations can actually occur~ Never under estimate the value of asking other people questions, being respectful, being open-minded. It takes humility, but don’t be afraid to tell someone you’re unfamiliar with a subject! —I’ve realized that’s the only way I’m really ever going to learn/grow. 

And just because I’m interested in having these conversations DOES NOT mean that I like to have them all the time. I’m not out to constantly debate against the rest of the world. (I do have a social life, I have laid back conversations, I smoke weed, I laugh (too much), etc. I mean..how uptight can a Lady Sovereign fan be? ). I was extremely hurt when a close friend told me I need to just ‘chill out’.. 

I think my friend has the wrong impression. I’m not here to argue (I appreciate conflicting views). I’m not here to shove my ideas down your throat (everyone is entitled to their own opinions). So I don’t understand why people are actually shaming me for wanting to learn?

I think too often these conversations are seen as stressful, but they don’t have to be! As long as I’m setting a positive, comfortable environment (which, again trying to improve on) I don’t see any harm in integrating a mix of different ‘levels of seriousness’ in conversation (and I can read people to know when they’re interested or not).

———————
ANYWAY, I just met some new friends at Demitasse, a coffee shop. We’re going to go explore around Downtown! And I can’t wait until Aley comes to meet up with Laura and I so we can thrift shop!

Have a good Saturday ya’ll ~~

(via achichi-javi-deactivated2012103)

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3. tanacetum-vulgare said: high five dude, he sounds like a pretty decent guy so far. isn’t it nice to stumble across one of those?
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